WRITING – From the Heart or From the Head

I’ve come to an interesting understanding… My blog posts this trip have been fairly dull and uninteresting and whenever I sat down at the computer to write about my day, there was no true desire to write at all. So I simply put down the basic facts of the day’s experience and left it at that. The “heart” of my experience literally never got put down “on paper”. And that was the problem.

I am now sitting in a coffee shop along the Ganga,
feeling the energies, absorbing the atmosphere, and, with pen in hand, FEELING the words for the first time this trip. I cannot go back and “fix” what has already been posted, but I would like to believe that the rest of the trip will, as in the past, first find its way through my heart and hand via pen, to paper, and then later simply be transcribed to the computer. The full range of feelings and insights can only be felt in this way it seems.

I truly have had an amazing journey here. So many things have happened in so short a time, that I honestly do not feel the need to be here longer than the originally planned 7 weeks ( which end in 2 weeks!). Everything I could have dreamt of and imagined to make this short time perfect, whole and complete, has happened. Healing on deep levels, great joy and laughter, unexpected surprises on all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – all coming together in perfect harmony to bring full and profound meaning to this trip.

I have been blessed with all those people (angels) necessary to initiate and facilitate different processes whose end results are complete tranquility, harmony and balance. A feeling of wellbeing on all levels which I haven’t experienced in a long time, and was in desperate need of.

There have been those who have been guided to me to find answers to their own issues through the Divine guidance I am always offered. And there have been those sent to ME to help ME move forward in healing issues which have plagued me for too long. Issues which I have been asking for help with for a long time.

I now sit overlooking the Ganga, with a feeling of deep contentment, knowing that once again I have journeyed inward through Divine Grace and discovered further unexplored territories and landscapes in the depth of my heart and soul.

I look forward to returning to the “real” world and continuing my journey, knowing that I have all the faith necessary to fearlessly continue to travel the new paths opened before me. I am surrounded always with loving protection and guidance from God and His Universe, my Guides, and the angels.

I amy be writing further posts…but I doubt there is any way to truly put into words the full depth and range of feelings and insights I have experienced over the past short month.

INSIGHT: It is interesting that this first “writing” comes in the wake, and seemingly as another result of, the healing in the form of past-life regression and Tikun (fixing) I experienced 2 days ago. It fits into the pattern…my meditations are deeper and more tranquil of mind, my yoga asanas are easier with a newfound flexibility of joint and muscle, my quiet, still poses, are effortless and can be held indefinitely without loosing my balance, my pranayama (breathing exercises) are much deeper and exhilarating, so ti makes sense that as a result of this deep cleansing, unblocking and release of accumulated “toxins” from the past, my words would also begin to flow as well!

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# 17 March 13-14 – Lazy, Lazy, Lazy….and Rain

Started last nite…was very hot yesterday and was really tired after my walking so just hung around the rest of the afternoon and evening. Had some grilled cheese up in my room for a snack at nite. I was up the roof playing “bubbles” and listening to my lovely flute music when Ben came up and asked what I was doing. I said “Some real deep spiritual work”. He came to see what it was and burst out laughing when he saw what I was playing. I explained it really was a form of inner work for me as it was one of the few ways I could find myself completely “mindless”!. And then like a little boy he asked if he could please please please try to play too, but I warned him that it could be dangerous to begin this game.
“You can’t just ‘try’ this game and he replied: “I’m fine…I don’t get addicted to this kind of stuff”.






Well, I could not get him to relinquish the mouse for 1 ½ hours until I finally asked to be allowed to go to sleep. He said OK but please please please could he come up again to play in the morning.
I thought he was joking, but bright and early he was up here and spent another 1 ½ hours in this completely mindless but actually relaxing pursuit. I, in the meantime, realized I didn’t feel like doing anything today. Perhaps the weather-it is actually overcast, windy and chilly…so I sat in my room while he played and cursed, and I did some work I needed to for myself. Finally kicked him out and now am alone and still with no desire to do anything. I am listening to music, will play some games as well, hang around with people at lunch…all here “at home”.

This evening I am hopefully going to do a past-life regression with a guy named Dudi to see if we can find the source of my irrational fears and finish the cleansing process once and for all.

So it will be a quiet, reflective, lovely day doing “nothing” and feeling wonderful about it.

8 PM
It is now almost 8 in the evening. Had the need to sleep this afternoon, (only in retrospect did I realize the entire lack of energy the whole day was due to my anxiety of what I might find out during the healing session….) and when I woke up I did the healing and past-life regression with Dudi and it was wonderful Received more answers and insights into the fear thing and am completely energized as well. And when I came out, it was raining and no electricity! (That would explain the slight twinge in my hip yesterday and this morning). So, got a couple of candles from downstairs and am now up in room, by candlelight, incense burning, eating crackers and cheese and listening to folkdancing and for the first time this trip even have the urge to dance!. Am feeling really good and if the electricity comes back on, I have a “date” to watch the movie Himalaya with Ben this evening and if not, will dance in the dark alone!!. (Or so I imagined!!). And then the strangest thing happened. I have about 600 songs in my folkdancing playlist, and I put them on to play at random, and the first song that came up was a further answer to what went on during the healing session with Dudi. A song with words which said exactly what I still needed to hear was playing, as if the angels , or my guides were singing the answer to me disguised as the voice of Daklon (Israeli singer) singing “Al Nevakesh”. All the verses are insightful, but just as an example, here is a translation of theverse:
“There are unknown secret things which we cannot understand or know
Things may happen which seem without reason
Not all things need to be investigated and questioned
Sometimes it is alright not to know everything”

I imagine the air will also be less heavy tomorrow and I will feel like walking again (And that was exactly what happened, as I woke up the next morning to the clearest bluest sky I have seen since arriving and a lovely feeling of clean and fresh in the air).

And then Ben arrived….no lites…caught me dancing…but just asked to sit down and play again, which he did until the battery ran out on the computer. Then we just sat and talked until my sweet neighbors came up. Finding their room dark and uninviting, I asked them to come in and join us. By then it was raining hard and quite dreary…they came into my candle-lit room, and said “Why does it feel so warm and comfortable in here? Our room is the same but it is nothing like your room” It’s like when people come into my living room at home and say the same thing…good energies…My room is very inviting. We sat and enjoyed each others company, all the time with my folkdancing music still playing and everyone commenting that it was quite pleasant to listen to. Close to 10 the lites finally came on so the girls left and Ben and I still had our movie date! We even sat and held hands like in the real movies. Only thing missing was popcorn. In all, it was a lovely day!

And now it is morning. Brilliant blue sky…lovely sunshine, nice breeze and clean fresh air…like after a chamsin at home when the rains finally come. Beautiful, beautiful day.

I went down to the market with a few friends and actually found fabric I liked and which is now at the tailor to make a couple of more things for me from things I already have and like from home.

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#15 March 8, 2008 – FREEDOM FROM FEAR

Where to begin. There actually is nothing much new happening　as far as “travel” goes, and you may all be finding my posts getting boring, but I am in a very personal place right now and what is happening in my life right now is exciting to ME.

So, first of all,

the video promised will have to wait until I get home as it is taking too long to upload it from here…it is a lovely one but I will get it up on the blog as soon as I get home.

The Ganga is rising from day to day. It is quite amazing. In the pictures I sent from just 2 days ago, there is a large square kind of rock sticking out of the water which I held on to so as not to slip. Yesterday it was no longer on the shore and half submerged, and today it was well out into the river and almost completely covered over. There is also a current now and eddies and small rapids forming where there were just calm waters 2 days ago. The snows are melting fast I guess and the water seems to be getting even colder, but I do my dip each day and love it.

I continued working on fears, and picked other lovely cards for the next two days as instructed (!) and I won’t go into details here but I was given further insights, reinforcement and encouragement to continue.

Yesterday I picked the angel Shanti “I am the angel of peace. I bring you new tranquility and a smoother road ahead”.

And the Goddess Hathor reminding me to “allow yourself to receive. This will increase your intuition, energy and ability to give to others”.

And today, the angel Adriana telling me “I am leading you toward the answer to your prayers, Please listen to and follow the steps I am communicating through your intuition, thoughts and dreams”

and The Goddess Ixchel…reminding me that “You are a channel for Divine healing power” and to continue my healing practice and to honour my healing knowledge and abilities and to continue to teach others….

I’ve been out 3 days in a row now for hours in the full sun, with no ill-effects, dipping in ice cold waters with no hip or knee problems, and going out at night, in the dark, alone, and completely enjoying my new found freedom…freedom to do what I want and always thought I couldn’t, and freedom from fear.

I find myself spending more and more time alone, being out of my room from 10 in the morning until 5 or 6 in the evening and then going out afterwards to eat if I feel like it, so even if people look for me, I am not around. I also have less and less need for the computer, and am only writing now to get this down “on paper”, more for me than anything else. It is a very powerful period in my life’s journey right now, bringing many things together in a process which began months ago and all things seem to be now falling into place. I feel very blessed and at peace with the process and confident that many more of my issues with fears will dissolve over the next period of time.

And the best surprise of the day was, I literally bumped into my friend Nikolai on the street!



I know him from McLeod and only see him there, and he mentioned he was coming to Rishikesh for the first time for a short vacation in one of his e-mails. I was getting ready to write to him today to ask when he was coming, when I literally turned around in a shop and bumped into him! He has been here for a week already and is leaving in just 3 days. He is also staying at Swiss cottage but we have never seen each other. Very funny. Hopefully he will come up this evening as he wants to see pictures of the latest family members and see how the others have grown since last year when I saw him. You might remember he is my Russian born Buddhist friend, around 30 now I think, who lives about 8 months a year in India, sometimes even longer and mostly at Tashi Jong where is lama (teacher) is and where Tenzin Palmo’s nunnery is located.

I’m including his pic from a few years ago…he now sports a really smart mustache and goatee…

Ah…yesterday I finished most of the little shopping I had to do (which you all know I hate) and hope to get a package out sometime this week and know I am finished with that.

And I will end here for today

Namaste

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# 14, March 6, 2008- Massages and Messages or.. Could a Day be More Lovely?

Continuing the Story which began yesterday with my talk with Amir, I received a very clear message last night while asleep…not a dream like message, a spoken message: “Don’t go swimming at the Spa pool, BATHE IN THE GANGA and ask her to remove and wash away your fears!”.

So I awoke this morning
knowing that I would definitely go to bathe in the Ganga today, despite my fears of “where to go”, “what to wear”, “how cold will it be”, etc. But before going down for my massage, decided to just pick a card or two, and wound up pulling one from each of the two decks I have here with me…figuring I might get further reinforcement from the cards which might help me overcome the real fear I was feeling about what I knew I had to do today.

Well, the first card I picked was Archangel Raphael (one of the Archangels I ask to accompany me each day in my morning prayers and meditation), and the card says:

"I am helping you heal physical challenges in yourself and others. You are a healer, like me”.
Quite amazing…a big grin appeared on my face, knowing that I was certainly not alone in this venture and couldn’t have asked for better company.,

And then just for good measure, decided to pick from the other deck, and the card that came up was:
Sekhmet…which reads: “Be Strong”…” You are stronger than you think you are, and your strength assures a happy outcome”.

Even more amazing…

Then I happily headed down for my massage with Bablu and told him about my plan to go immerse myself in the Ganga after the massage and he said “How did you know to do it today?” Didn’t really understand the question but told him I received a message during the night that I must do it today. He said the message was directly from God because today is the best day in the whole year to bathe in the Ganga in Rishikesh as it is the once a year festival of Shiva (Shiva Aarti) today!

Well, nothing is my chance and a couple of other people I know who I met along the way, Indians, were all very excited for me that I was doing this the first time on this “most auspicious day”.

So, with all this lovely reinforcement and loving company, I set off for the Ganga at about 12 in the afternoon…gathering my faith and courage for the adventure.

(Just a quick aside: this was the fourth massage I’ve done with Bablu and we’ve got a kind of rapport going, and today he asked me if I know that my bones (I am paraphrasing, his English is very poor and this took some time to understand) are weak, lacking calcium and dry…and I must go to a doctor to find out what to do. I asked how he knew this (which is true, I have advancing oesteoporsis) and he said he can feel it when he massages me. I told him I do expensive bone density scans with fancy machines back home and they say the same thing!! He gave me good nutritional advice, which I already know, but was surprised that he knew this much about counseling his clients, and he was very happy to hear that I do panchakarma, eat the right foods etc. )
So, I had a nice fruit salad for breakfast and headed off with my longee and a towel, and went to the area where several people had told me I’d find a quiet beach, and they were right. You can see from the pictures…those are my clothes drying on the rock,






and you can see the place where I immersed myself, several times. It was quiet, private and intensely powerful.









The waters were icey cold. Fed by the mountain snows which have begun to melt. At first I gasped and thought I could not do it, but ever so slowly I dipped in up to and over my waist, and then threw waters over the rest of my body, including my head…And quickly got out, but after resting in the sun for a few minutes, I felt the need to do it again and did. Despite the numbing cold, I felt warmth spreading through my entire body as the first of my fears began to desolve, being washed away in the waters of this holy river. Quite a remarkable experience. Sat on the beach for awhile and plan to try and go each morning now…before breakfast.

Had a pleasant lunch…enjoyed Shiva Aarti Day which I was told by many is THE most auspicious day to immerse in the Ganga in Rishikesh. There will also be special celebrations this evening at the puja, but my stomach is a little “dodgy” so may remain close to my room. Will decide later this evening. After my relaxing meal I head home, com[pletely energized and this is also the first time the sun has not bothered me, and I have headache. I’ve taken to wearing my dupatta (scarf) on my head like the Indian ladies (kaffiyah style_ and that seems to do the trick. So 2 fears have gone. I can be out all day in the sun, immerse myself in ice-water, with no ill effects, even find a quiet beach all by myself and the last fear, being out along after dark will be confronted and conquered either today or tomorrow.

Then, when I get home, I will begin traveling to “unknown” places alone by car!!!

The next post will be a lovely video I made of the area around laxman Jhula, with the sounds and sights of the place. You can even see the lovely scene of a lady feeding the holy cow and blessing her (or perhaps asking for a blessing for herself) by touching the cow’s head.

Many things are falling to into place, and I think the timing for my return home is just perfect.

I am truly loved and blessed…always watched over and taken care of…truly no reason for any sort of fear to limit me.

Namaste
Jane

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#13- March 5, 2008- Counseling Session with Unique Practitioner

Something very interesting happened today. I had already decided that the next few weeks I have left will be devoted entirely to me, which you can read about on the link to the Mindfulness Journal on my last post. I had a massage first thing in the morning, right after meditation and pranayama and yoga, before breakfast, it was the best massage I have ever experienced. There was something different about it. I don’t know if I mentioned the massage therapist Bablu, who studied Ayurveda massage ad the Parmath Niketan Ashram here in Rishikesh, but every massage he does , he does from a spiritual place. He says prayers over the herbs and oils before he begins, asks for Divine help and then chants OM before actually begin. He also does the massages with so much loving energies, that I see brilliant bright green surrounded by pink through the entire massage. And the massage itself is superb…among the best I’ve ever had. And having it this morning, as a continuation of my morning rituals, made it even more wonderful . Bablu explained that this was the best time to do a massage, with ,

the morning sun shining in the window, before any other earthly pursuits, and that it would serve to open all the chakras in the best and most powerful way possible. And to my surprise, it was the first time I did a massage like this and didn’t feel like sleeping afterwards. I was completely invigorated, was not hungry, even though it ended after 10 in the morning and by the time I showered, (and had unexpected company as well when I came back), I didn’t eat my first meal of the day, Kitcheri, until almost 1:30 and I felt wonderful. So I’ve ordered another one for tomorrow morning and am really looking forward to it.

I went to breakfast/lunch with a nice girl I met here, we walked down to Welcome Center, while waiting for our food, I opened some cards for her and as always, the reading was direct and to the point, I came back up, went to the internet for ½ hour and then came to my room to rest for awhile. I was awakened by a knock on the door, and thinking it was Ben, opened the door to find a young Indian friend of Einat’s called Sushil at the door. I quickly went back in and changed my clothes to something more appropriate (I was wearing just a tank top and pants), spent a short time with him but found I had no patience for chit-chat and excused myself after about 15 minutes.

I then went into the room to continue my work with the Archetype Cards I had bought a couple of days ago. It is a demanding process and I am taking it very seriously, when all of a sudden, Amir, the young guy in charge here came up to visit me. I didn’t like that Sushil had come to visit and came to see if he had left!!!

And this is where the story really begins. It is really something more suitable to the Mindfulness Journal, but I am posting it here as it is something which happened to be because I am on this journey in India, and it makes sense for it to be on the India Blog anyway. If you don’t agree, let me know.

First he asked if I had found a “friend”. (He is a sweet young, 25 year old Nepalese guy, but is not very discreet). He is always concerned that a “nice” lady like me doesn’t have a boyfriend, or at least a fling while on vacation and I always tell him I am not looking for that but for the “real thing”. He was of course referring to Ben who has been spending a lot of time around my room, and he assumed something was going on, but explained that there was nothing happening except sharing of healing sessions and pleasant discussions. He was sooooo disappointed and said “Oh, I was so happy for you because I thought you had a “friend” this time!”

And then he noticed I was working on the cards and we began talking about them and their uses, and I brought out two other decks to show him and he was amazingly interested in them. He looked at the cards with reverence, read a lot of them, and when he came to the Angel of “True Love” he commented “This is the card you need to pick”.

He is very intelligent and a highly spiritual being and we began a really serious discussion of some of the cards, and at some point the problem I have with my fear of traveling, or going to new places etc., came up. And THIS is the point of this whole post.

He looked at me and began asking me ,many questions, particularly about why and what I am afraid of etc. When I mentioned that it is all irrational and I’ve tried many ways of healing the problem, I also mentioned I feel it must be some trauma from a past life which has never been resolved…which lead to a discussion of past lives, and finally, he said he thinks he has a simple solution for me. It is WAS simply put, in very simple English, but quite profound. He gave me one concrete suggestion, and then two examples.

The suggestion, to overcome my fear of going alone to new places, which is even worse at night, was to wait until midnight, get dressed, WALK, ALONE to the nearby Spa, Narayana, get undressed and go swimming in the pool. And then walk back home alone. He said I would never be afraid again after that, not of the dark, not of being alone, not of going to a new place and not even of what might happen if someone sees me and what will happen etc. The idea is clear…confront your fear and overcome it!! But even thinking of the idea is terrifying to me, even though there is nothing really dangerous about it, and of course I won’t do it!!

Then he gave me the following two examples of how fear, or lack of it, can determine the outcome of events.

A guy has to get someplace and there are two paths. One is short but through the forest with wild animals and dangerous. The other is the long way around but safe. Which path is better to take. I of course said I always take the longer, but safe path. He said the guy decided he was in a hurry and to take the short dangerous one, but was not afraid at all as he knew he would be protected. And arrived at his goal quickly and safely, even though taken the dangerous path.

The second example. People travel very often from India to Nepal carrying large sums of money with them to bring home, in cash.. He does it too but never worries. He is calm and relaxed, attracts no attention, and has never had a problem. But other people are nervous, worried, frightened that they will be robbed, look anxious, attract attention, and in the end, THEY are the ones who DO get robbed.

No explanation is needed for either of the above, as they simply reinforce the idea that what is utmost in our thoughts is what happens. “Thoughts become things…choose the good ones”, etc. The fact that Amir, the young Nepalese working as reception manager at a guest house in Rishikesh to save money for his family at home would be profound enough to speak to me like this however, is the amazing part of this story. And he has made me begin thinking further about dealing with this fear. I don’t know yet how I will do it, but it has been on my mind more and more frequently over the past year, and SOMETHING will have to be done about it.

And that’s the story for today. Many different angels are sent to me with messages and today it was Amir.

PS: I am sitting out on my terrace, at 8:30 in the evening, listening to music and writing this. Although fairly warm for me during the few afternoon hours, the weather is otherwise beautiful.

THIS WAS NOT THE END…THIS WILL BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT POST…GETS MORE INTERESTING AND MORE EXCITING!!

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