India Journal 2006 #28 - Confusion and Comprehension

This will be a very personal kind of post so if you are only interested in the travel stuff, you can skip this. But it is important for me to include this in this journal as it is no less part of my travels than the other stuff. For me, every trip to India is part of my Journey Within as well, and this is part of THAT journey.

It actually happened all several days ago but haven't gotten around to writing it yet, but the timing is really not all that important. And if I had written immediately, I would not have the full picture sorted out yet, so it would not be complete. It's been an intense "trek" but I am feeling wonderful having completed it successfully.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007...6:30 PM

I am sitting here now totally confused. It seems as if I am being given two completely differention options and being asked to make a choice. Now I've been offered a job as the official Reiki Teacher/Master for Swiss Bhandari Cottages as well as their spa...being included



on their website, in their advertisements etc., the manager has already asked what I need and I said a massage table, so he is going to order one! But of course the season here is August-March. Just when I originally thought to come back (Sept-October), and it would seem just perfect.

But, of course, the other option is being home completely with my family in the role of Mother for 2 daughters, one already pregnant with twins and the other talking of becoming pregnant shortly.

I think this is THE most difficult choice I've ever had to make. I guess I already know what my heart is telling me to do...I DO know that there is really no question of making a choice here...it is obvious where I must be, and WANT to be. But something seems out of place here. Why would all other things be working out exactly as I have visualized them, prayed for them, and meditated on them. I have been put in a place where it seems I have been made to turn my back on all the Universe has manifested for me.

A matter of faith? That there will be other opportunities? That this is just "their" way of showing me how simple it is to manifest so that in the future I will just simply do it again, when the time is more suitable? Or is it shutting a door which shouldn't be shut? Things have flowed so easily for me for so long now. This is confusing and unsettling.

After writing the above, I sat and contemplated for some time...asked for clarity and guidance as I usually do, even did a Tarot reading, and all of a sudden, as if a written page had been shoved under my nose to read, it all came clear as crystal to me.

This IS their way first of all of telling me, of showing me, that my Faith is justified and that ANYTHING that I choose to manifest in the proper way, will be sent to me. And that just as this came along, with no effort, so will the next thing. I may still be asked to work in this particular position when I finally get back to Rishikesh, or something even better and more suitable to me may come up when the time for me to come back to Rishikesh is right.
In addition, I realized other things as well....

For the future, my real place of work will be India! I will not have to work at home in order to be able to come to India to rest, but I will be working in India to support myself as much as possible here, and not have to use my savings for my staying here, and when I am home, aside from the work which will come to my clinich and my teaching...the Universe will continue to guide all those people to me who need my special services....and this will give me enough money to pay my immediate expenses of food, phone, internet, car etc., the rest oif my time spent at home in Israel will be sacred quality time devoted entirely to my family. Not as in the past when I was so tired from working I barely had time to see my loved ones, but I will be free to spend as much time with them for those months that I am in Israel. Time during the week for serving others in my clinic, but most of my time devoted to family matters.

Now, this will involve one other thing...It is clear to me that during this stay at home I must have a place to live and be free to take care of whoever I need to. Eventually Shira and Shmulik will have some form of unit for me, but until then, at first I will have to be near Chanale and her twins, and after that, even living together with Aviva for the time she needs my initial support.

And Shlomit's rent must be paid as she must stay in that apartment until she finishes school! I could use the place on weekends to come home and rest up...or for treating people or giving Reiki or Yoga classes, but I basically must live near whoever I am caring for at the time.

I cannot be expected to work and properly take care of them, or there is really no need for me to be there!

Exactly how this will all work out I do not yet know, but I know it WILL work out and that I will be completely there for both Chanale and her family and afterwards Aviva. In between I will make it back here at least to do Panchakarma in February perhaps, but other than that, the next period of time is for my family.

I think all my family members will be "drafted" into making this work....finding me a place to live, finding a way for Shlomit to stay where she is...it will all be in place by June.

So I will end this here and say again....I am truly blessed!
Namaste
Jane