WRITING – From the Heart or From the Head

I’ve come to an interesting understanding… My blog posts this trip have been fairly dull and uninteresting and whenever I sat down at the computer to write about my day, there was no true desire to write at all. So I simply put down the basic facts of the day’s experience and left it at that. The “heart” of my experience literally never got put down “on paper”. And that was the problem.

I am now sitting in a coffee shop along the Ganga,
feeling the energies, absorbing the atmosphere, and, with pen in hand, FEELING the words for the first time this trip. I cannot go back and “fix” what has already been posted, but I would like to believe that the rest of the trip will, as in the past, first find its way through my heart and hand via pen, to paper, and then later simply be transcribed to the computer. The full range of feelings and insights can only be felt in this way it seems.

I truly have had an amazing journey here. So many things have happened in so short a time, that I honestly do not feel the need to be here longer than the originally planned 7 weeks ( which end in 2 weeks!). Everything I could have dreamt of and imagined to make this short time perfect, whole and complete, has happened. Healing on deep levels, great joy and laughter, unexpected surprises on all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – all coming together in perfect harmony to bring full and profound meaning to this trip.

I have been blessed with all those people (angels) necessary to initiate and facilitate different processes whose end results are complete tranquility, harmony and balance. A feeling of wellbeing on all levels which I haven’t experienced in a long time, and was in desperate need of.

There have been those who have been guided to me to find answers to their own issues through the Divine guidance I am always offered. And there have been those sent to ME to help ME move forward in healing issues which have plagued me for too long. Issues which I have been asking for help with for a long time.

I now sit overlooking the Ganga, with a feeling of deep contentment, knowing that once again I have journeyed inward through Divine Grace and discovered further unexplored territories and landscapes in the depth of my heart and soul.

I look forward to returning to the “real” world and continuing my journey, knowing that I have all the faith necessary to fearlessly continue to travel the new paths opened before me. I am surrounded always with loving protection and guidance from God and His Universe, my Guides, and the angels.

I amy be writing further posts…but I doubt there is any way to truly put into words the full depth and range of feelings and insights I have experienced over the past short month.

INSIGHT: It is interesting that this first “writing” comes in the wake, and seemingly as another result of, the healing in the form of past-life regression and Tikun (fixing) I experienced 2 days ago. It fits into the pattern…my meditations are deeper and more tranquil of mind, my yoga asanas are easier with a newfound flexibility of joint and muscle, my quiet, still poses, are effortless and can be held indefinitely without loosing my balance, my pranayama (breathing exercises) are much deeper and exhilarating, so ti makes sense that as a result of this deep cleansing, unblocking and release of accumulated “toxins” from the past, my words would also begin to flow as well!

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#16 – March 10-11, 2008 – Back to the Real World and A Really “Rough” Day

Interesting, during the previous 3 days I had this intense need to be alone, and work on the issue of irrational fears. (A posting will eventually find its way to the Mindfulness Journal, but it is still being contemplated to try and get the full impact of those 3 days across). And to my surprise, I WAS entirely alone. No one came looking for me at my room. Id didn’t meet anyone in town anywhere, nor bump into any new, or old friends at meal times. And today (yesterday actually), which I declared a “vacation” day for myself, and just hung around doing relaxing things –
nothing require any great effort either physically, mentally or spiritually, the people who saw me during the day told me I looked: renewed, vibrant, full of life, at peace, tranquil etc. But still was alone most of the day. [ Except for my meeting with Dudi, which will have to wait for another post].

And when today, (really today), I more or less got back to my “real” world, everyone staring turning up again…pretty much coming out of the woodwork so to speak. Yael, a young Israeli girl, came for advice and we sat for a long time early this morning. Then I went down to mail my package and met a nice Indian guy on the way and we talked for awhile. He is from Kerala and vacationing in Rishikesh and wanted my advice about sending a package “home”! Then, back to my room where I had prepared a small snack of cheese and grapes before headingoff to the Ganga, when Ben turned up. He’s started his teachings with the Swami Dyananda (also Akhilesh’s Swami), and I figured I would not be seeing him for awhile. Well, HE came to tell me about his first evening and morning and so we snacked together and he talked. . Then finally got down to the Ganga, and following my “swim”, walked into Moksha, the nice new restaurant down there and again met Yael, not planned, eating with a young German guy so again had company. There was hardly a minute during the day when I was not with someone else. And just as I thought I’d be heading back to relax, my phone rang (I had it with me for this exact reason, just in case) and it was Nikolai, asking to meet me in about an hour for Chai! So, back to the room, quick shower and down to spend a lovely 3 hours with him, after not seeing him for a year. And WOW! What a story HE had to tell.

From a deeply devoted practicing Buddhist of 7 years, living most of that time in India with short and infrequent trips back home to visit family, living at a monastery and preparing for his first 5 year retreat, he is now going back to Moscow to get married to a very rich girl he knows since age 14 (he is 32), who was married previously, divorced, has a 7 year old son (which he says may even be his anyway), and is very rich. He will go into her father’s business which he says is dirty, cut throat and completely demanding, and wind up getting rich himself!! When I asked how this will effect his practice and all his Buddhists beliefs, and why he was doing it, he replied that if he didn’t do itnow, he would always wonder if he made a mistake and with regrets, could never move forward in his practice anyway. If it works out, he will assume he was never as truly committed as he imagined himself to be, and if not, in 4-5 years he will simply leave it all and come back and continue from where he left off!

It is now the next day…March 11th, and I had planned, after the very intense “people filled” day yesterday, to go early to the market to do some shopping I still have on my list. But Ben joined us (my 2 British neighbors…I know, I haven’t written about them either), for breakfast and then came up to speak to me further about the teachings and why they are not working for him, and how disappointed he is in himself etc. It was an intense, and long talk, but quite insightful for him, and in the end, I didn’t leave for the market until after 12.

I easily found the computer shop recommended to me on Railway Road, and if I hadn’t just seen myself walk into it off the Rishikesh street, I could have sworn I was back in raanana! I bought a Logitech cordless mouse and it was so pleasant shopping there . They didn’t just hand it to me, take my money and say goodbye as would have happened back home. They opened up the substantial packaging, took out the mouse (I hadn’t said a word, was just expecting to pay and go), showed me how to put in the battery, how to store the USB piece, how to get the best results from the mouse, plugged it into their computer and asked me to try it and see if it was comfortable…all this before taking any money for me…)

I then decided to look for a mortar and pestle from marble for myself and one of my daughters, and some fabric to have a couple of favorite tops remade for me by a local tailor. But then remembered that the cosmetician I went to last year was right up the same street so figured I’d walk up just to make an appointment. I wound up spending the next 2 hours being completely pampered including back massage, and all kinds of beauty treatments, which were as wonderful as I remember them being, my face is as smooth as a baby’s behind, and all for 250 rupees!!

I DID find a mortal and pestle, as well as having my late lunch of brown rice and steamed veggies, went up to my room to rest from this really “rough” day…it was 4:30 by then and I have been up since 5:30 this morning. I am liking Rishikesh more and more each day and will definitely be back here.

I have BTW, begun doing my yoga, pranayama and meditation outside each morning facing the rising Eastern Sun and it is quite powerful. Trying to figure out some way to do that at home but so far cannot think of any practical option.

Namaste for today
Jane

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#15 March 8, 2008 – FREEDOM FROM FEAR

Where to begin. There actually is nothing much new happening　as far as “travel” goes, and you may all be finding my posts getting boring, but I am in a very personal place right now and what is happening in my life right now is exciting to ME.

So, first of all,

the video promised will have to wait until I get home as it is taking too long to upload it from here…it is a lovely one but I will get it up on the blog as soon as I get home.

The Ganga is rising from day to day. It is quite amazing. In the pictures I sent from just 2 days ago, there is a large square kind of rock sticking out of the water which I held on to so as not to slip. Yesterday it was no longer on the shore and half submerged, and today it was well out into the river and almost completely covered over. There is also a current now and eddies and small rapids forming where there were just calm waters 2 days ago. The snows are melting fast I guess and the water seems to be getting even colder, but I do my dip each day and love it.

I continued working on fears, and picked other lovely cards for the next two days as instructed (!) and I won’t go into details here but I was given further insights, reinforcement and encouragement to continue.

Yesterday I picked the angel Shanti “I am the angel of peace. I bring you new tranquility and a smoother road ahead”.

And the Goddess Hathor reminding me to “allow yourself to receive. This will increase your intuition, energy and ability to give to others”.

And today, the angel Adriana telling me “I am leading you toward the answer to your prayers, Please listen to and follow the steps I am communicating through your intuition, thoughts and dreams”

and The Goddess Ixchel…reminding me that “You are a channel for Divine healing power” and to continue my healing practice and to honour my healing knowledge and abilities and to continue to teach others….

I’ve been out 3 days in a row now for hours in the full sun, with no ill-effects, dipping in ice cold waters with no hip or knee problems, and going out at night, in the dark, alone, and completely enjoying my new found freedom…freedom to do what I want and always thought I couldn’t, and freedom from fear.

I find myself spending more and more time alone, being out of my room from 10 in the morning until 5 or 6 in the evening and then going out afterwards to eat if I feel like it, so even if people look for me, I am not around. I also have less and less need for the computer, and am only writing now to get this down “on paper”, more for me than anything else. It is a very powerful period in my life’s journey right now, bringing many things together in a process which began months ago and all things seem to be now falling into place. I feel very blessed and at peace with the process and confident that many more of my issues with fears will dissolve over the next period of time.

And the best surprise of the day was, I literally bumped into my friend Nikolai on the street!



I know him from McLeod and only see him there, and he mentioned he was coming to Rishikesh for the first time for a short vacation in one of his e-mails. I was getting ready to write to him today to ask when he was coming, when I literally turned around in a shop and bumped into him! He has been here for a week already and is leaving in just 3 days. He is also staying at Swiss cottage but we have never seen each other. Very funny. Hopefully he will come up this evening as he wants to see pictures of the latest family members and see how the others have grown since last year when I saw him. You might remember he is my Russian born Buddhist friend, around 30 now I think, who lives about 8 months a year in India, sometimes even longer and mostly at Tashi Jong where is lama (teacher) is and where Tenzin Palmo’s nunnery is located.

I’m including his pic from a few years ago…he now sports a really smart mustache and goatee…

Ah…yesterday I finished most of the little shopping I had to do (which you all know I hate) and hope to get a package out sometime this week and know I am finished with that.

And I will end here for today

Namaste

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# 14, March 6, 2008- Massages and Messages or.. Could a Day be More Lovely?

Continuing the Story which began yesterday with my talk with Amir, I received a very clear message last night while asleep…not a dream like message, a spoken message: “Don’t go swimming at the Spa pool, BATHE IN THE GANGA and ask her to remove and wash away your fears!”.

So I awoke this morning
knowing that I would definitely go to bathe in the Ganga today, despite my fears of “where to go”, “what to wear”, “how cold will it be”, etc. But before going down for my massage, decided to just pick a card or two, and wound up pulling one from each of the two decks I have here with me…figuring I might get further reinforcement from the cards which might help me overcome the real fear I was feeling about what I knew I had to do today.

Well, the first card I picked was Archangel Raphael (one of the Archangels I ask to accompany me each day in my morning prayers and meditation), and the card says:

"I am helping you heal physical challenges in yourself and others. You are a healer, like me”.
Quite amazing…a big grin appeared on my face, knowing that I was certainly not alone in this venture and couldn’t have asked for better company.,

And then just for good measure, decided to pick from the other deck, and the card that came up was:
Sekhmet…which reads: “Be Strong”…” You are stronger than you think you are, and your strength assures a happy outcome”.

Even more amazing…

Then I happily headed down for my massage with Bablu and told him about my plan to go immerse myself in the Ganga after the massage and he said “How did you know to do it today?” Didn’t really understand the question but told him I received a message during the night that I must do it today. He said the message was directly from God because today is the best day in the whole year to bathe in the Ganga in Rishikesh as it is the once a year festival of Shiva (Shiva Aarti) today!

Well, nothing is my chance and a couple of other people I know who I met along the way, Indians, were all very excited for me that I was doing this the first time on this “most auspicious day”.

So, with all this lovely reinforcement and loving company, I set off for the Ganga at about 12 in the afternoon…gathering my faith and courage for the adventure.

(Just a quick aside: this was the fourth massage I’ve done with Bablu and we’ve got a kind of rapport going, and today he asked me if I know that my bones (I am paraphrasing, his English is very poor and this took some time to understand) are weak, lacking calcium and dry…and I must go to a doctor to find out what to do. I asked how he knew this (which is true, I have advancing oesteoporsis) and he said he can feel it when he massages me. I told him I do expensive bone density scans with fancy machines back home and they say the same thing!! He gave me good nutritional advice, which I already know, but was surprised that he knew this much about counseling his clients, and he was very happy to hear that I do panchakarma, eat the right foods etc. )
So, I had a nice fruit salad for breakfast and headed off with my longee and a towel, and went to the area where several people had told me I’d find a quiet beach, and they were right. You can see from the pictures…those are my clothes drying on the rock,






and you can see the place where I immersed myself, several times. It was quiet, private and intensely powerful.









The waters were icey cold. Fed by the mountain snows which have begun to melt. At first I gasped and thought I could not do it, but ever so slowly I dipped in up to and over my waist, and then threw waters over the rest of my body, including my head…And quickly got out, but after resting in the sun for a few minutes, I felt the need to do it again and did. Despite the numbing cold, I felt warmth spreading through my entire body as the first of my fears began to desolve, being washed away in the waters of this holy river. Quite a remarkable experience. Sat on the beach for awhile and plan to try and go each morning now…before breakfast.

Had a pleasant lunch…enjoyed Shiva Aarti Day which I was told by many is THE most auspicious day to immerse in the Ganga in Rishikesh. There will also be special celebrations this evening at the puja, but my stomach is a little “dodgy” so may remain close to my room. Will decide later this evening. After my relaxing meal I head home, com[pletely energized and this is also the first time the sun has not bothered me, and I have headache. I’ve taken to wearing my dupatta (scarf) on my head like the Indian ladies (kaffiyah style_ and that seems to do the trick. So 2 fears have gone. I can be out all day in the sun, immerse myself in ice-water, with no ill effects, even find a quiet beach all by myself and the last fear, being out along after dark will be confronted and conquered either today or tomorrow.

Then, when I get home, I will begin traveling to “unknown” places alone by car!!!

The next post will be a lovely video I made of the area around laxman Jhula, with the sounds and sights of the place. You can even see the lovely scene of a lady feeding the holy cow and blessing her (or perhaps asking for a blessing for herself) by touching the cow’s head.

Many things are falling to into place, and I think the timing for my return home is just perfect.

I am truly loved and blessed…always watched over and taken care of…truly no reason for any sort of fear to limit me.

Namaste
Jane

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